


Cold Light of the Stars

by pandorabox82



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: F/F, post ep: Menage a Troi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-21
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-06-09 17:42:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 16,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6917005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorabox82/pseuds/pandorabox82
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Lwaxana can no longer deal with the memories of what happened to her during her time with the Ferengi, she turns tot he one person in the Alpha Quadrant who might be able to help her - Katherine Pulaski.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I just have massive feels about the episode Menage a Troi. This story is the result.

            _Little One?_

_Yes, Mother?_

            Even her inner voice is full of exasperation, as if she cannot wait to be done with me, Lwaxana thought, trying not to send too many emotions or thoughts through their link. _Is the doctor on board trustworthy? I’m not as familiar with her as with Doctor Pulaski._

            There was a pause, and Lwaxana thought that she could hear regret in her daughter’s mind before she once more sent her words. _I would trust Beverly with my life, Mother. But is there anything that I can do for you?_

_No,_ she replied swiftly, though she tried to make the word sound light and breezy. _No, I just need to have a routine exam before I go back home to Betazed. Thank you._ She broke communication with her daughter once more and looked over at the mirror. She did not care at all for the haunted look in her eyes, but knew that there would be no way to expunge the ghosts tormenting her until she was safe at home.

            With a shake of her head, Lwaxana stood and made her way over to the door. A tiny part of her expected to see Deanna standing outside her door, wanting to talk to her, but she was relieved when that was not so. And the corridors were blessedly empty of people as she made her way down to Sickbay, so she didn’t have to block out any stray thoughts that might shout out from different, untrained, undisciplined, brains.

            Again, she was blessed by the gods, as Sickbay was relatively empty, just a few nurses bustling about, their focus on whatever task was at hand allowing her to skim over their thoughts without being drawn in deep. Her movements, though, caught the attention of one, as the young woman looked up and gave her a surprised smile. “Ambassador Troi, what are you doing here?”

            “I need to see the doctor. Is she available?”

            The nurse cocked her head to one side, and Lwaxna fought not to comment on the thoughts running through her mind, especially about how she looked perfectly healthy. Some of her irritation must have shown on her face, though, since she finally nodded and indicated for Lwaxana to follow after her.

            The office she was led to was larger than she had expected, antiseptic, white, and a touch too pure for her liking. Lwaxana was surprised to feel the tightening of her chest that signaled unwanted crying, and she wondered what had triggered that. The feeling grew and grew as she watched Beverly concentrate on the PADD in her hands until she had to start up a mantra to will the feeling away. _I am Lwaxana Troi, daughter of the Fifth House, holder of the Sacred Chalice of Rixx, heir to the Holy Rings of Betazed, and I will not let what happened to me make me cry. He is not worth my tears._

            Wanting to get the exam over with, she coughed lowly, hoping to catch the doctor’s attention. “Oh, Ambassador Troi, what brings you to Sickbay?”

            There was a smile on her lips, as if she could feel how unsettled Lwaxana was, and this did little to remove the weight that was still increasing on her chest. “I…”

            “Ambassador? What’s wrong?” Beverly stood and closed her office door, offering them privacy. It was a combination of the concern in both her voice and thoughts, and the warm hand on her shoulder that broke the dam on Lwaxna’s feelings, and she burst into tears, burying her face in her hands as she tried to make herself smaller, less noticeable. “Do you need me to get Deanna?”

            “No.” It was embarrassing, really, to be reduced to a sniveling mess in front of one of Deanna’s friends, and yet, here she was, unable to control herself. “No, I can’t talk to her about this.”

            “About what?” Beverly asked kindly, leading her over to the closest chair and helping her to sit. After she had taken a seat on the desk, her hand never leaving Lwaxana’s, she leaned in and looked deeply into her eyes. “Ambassador Troi?”

            “I need to know if I’ve cause to worry about anything. Would, would you please give me a thorough medical examination? Just you, no nurses, and with no documentation. I do not want Deanna to have any possible way of finding this out. I mean, it’s one thing to be a flirt…”

            She could read the dawning realization that swept over Beverly’s mind, and bit her lip hard in order to not start sobbing once more. “Of course, let me get you to a more private room. Follow me.” Beverly stood and motioned towards a door at the back of her office. From her mind, Lwaxana was able to ascertain that this was where she and Jean Luc conducted his medical treatments, and the thought of complete privacy set her at ease.

            “Thank you,” she murmured as she swept over to the examining table and took a seat. Absently, she picked at the ugly green fabric of her dress, wishing that someone had thought to bring Mr. Homm along, so that she would have anything else to wear. She did not want any reminders of what she’d been through, and yet, she was stuck with this repulsive garment until they were home.

            “Do you want to talk about it?” Beverly asked as she helped her to lie back, running a tricorder up and down her body as she looked at the results.

            “It won’t change anything that happened.”

            “No, but it will chase away the demons that are gnawing at your mind. If I were Doctor Pulaski, I’d be suggesting that we look at the enneagrams where those recent memories are stored and have them removed.”

            Lwaxana closed her eyes, turning her head to one side as Beverly completed her exam. “Do things like that actually work?” she murmured, unable to look at the woman’s face, reading the uncertainty in her mind. It seemed like her tears would never quit flowing, even as Beverly set aside the tricorder aside and clasped her hand tightly, as if she had to shore up her bearings before she spoke again.

            “You’ve probably already sensed my answer, haven’t you?” she asked, surprising Lwaxana. Opening her eyes, she met Beverly’s cool blue gaze, taking in the deep well of sympathy there, and nodded. “Well, I didn’t have much success the time I tried it, so I can’t say what will happen if you do contact her. Just, know that it’s an option that’s available to you. And that if you want an ear to listen to you, I’m here until you head home.”

            It was a kind gesture, and Lwaxana could find no malice in her thoughts, but still, the idea of opening up to someone so close to her daughter held little appeal for her. “I will keep that in mind, Beverly. Now, about those test results?”

            There was another pause, and she could hear the woman’s thoughts clearly, smiling a little when she caught whiff that Beverly understood her reticence completely. “Well, according to my tricorder, there is nothing wrong with you, and you didn’t pick anything up in your time over there. I am picking up residual effects of prolonged exposure to electric shock. Were you ever planning on saying something about that?”

            “No. I did what was necessary to protect my daughter. I would do the same again.” An image of the young man who was on the bridge flashed through Beverly’s mind, and she knew then that she understood, more than she would ever let on. “Now, I’m going to be home shortly, Jean Luc is being most kind in his haste, and I must pull myself together. As long as everything looks fine here, I’ll be going.”

            Lwaxana sat up, smoothing her hands against the fabric of that hated dress. “I have some replicator rations saved up, if you want something different to wear.”

            Their eyes met once more, and she gave Beverly a small nod. “That might be nice. Can your replicators come up with my usual standard of garment?”

            Beverly tried to smother her laugh as she nodded, and Lwaxana gave her a smile, knowing that she would never forget this small kindness.


	2. Chapter 2

Lwaxana sat up with a gasp, feeling tears course down her cheeks. This was the fourth time in as many nights as she had been awoken from deep sleep by a nightmare. Trying to calm her heart and breathing, she pressed her hand against her chest, staring at the doorway.

            The gentle hiss of the door opening broke through the haze in her mind, and she glanced up to see Mr. Homm standing there. Concern was radiating off him in waves, and she shook her head a little. He protested her command to leave the room, that she was fine, and she shook her head once more. “I’m fine!” she bit out, needing to physically hear the words shimmer and hang in the air.

            Mr. Homm came into the room, heading over to the replicator and making her a warm drink. It was a kind gesture, and spoke to how concerned he was about her. “I’ll be fine,” she whispered, feeling close to sobbing once more. “Deanna is okay, and that’s all that matters. I will move past this.”

            He rested his hand on her shoulder as he handed her the glass, and her breaths suddenly turned shaky as she felt herself close to breaking down once more. Still, she forced her mind to calm down, so that he would leave her alone. Still, he could read her like an open book, and she sighed as she took the cup and brought it to her lips. _I will be fine in time. And there is still one solution that I have available to me. I just have to make certain she’s available._ Mr. Homm nodded before turning and leaving her room.

            As Lwaxana sipped at her toddy, she slipped from bed and padded over to her computer. “Computer, what is the current location of the Doctor Pulaski who once served aboard the _Enterprise_?”

            There was a short pause before the computer responded. “Doctor Katherine Pulaski is currently serving aboard the _USS Repulse_ , which is currently heading to Sector 22036.”

            “And who is the current captain of the _Repulse_?”

            “That would be Captain John Taggart.”

            Lwaxana sat back and stared at the computer screen, wondering what was pressing her to potentially make a huge change in her life. It wouldn’t be a simple undertaking to get to Sector 22036 from Betazed, seeing as how it was nearly thirty parsecs away from home and that distance would grow with every day that she waited to make contact. But could she really face another night of terrors that woke her from her deepest sleep? Turning to look in the mirror, she could make out the bags under her eyes, and the haunted, pinched, look on her face. No, she couldn’t take any more.

            Firming her resolve, Lwaxana took a deep breath and faced the computer once more. “Computer, open a subspace communication line with Captain Taggart.” While the computer was completing her command, Lwaxana smoothed down her hair and took a deep breath. There was nothing to be done, now that her impulsive act had been set into motion, and she hoped that the captain would overlook her dishabille.

            “Ambassador Troi! What can I do for you today?”

            She plastered a bright smile on her lips, knowing that the look was most likely fake and forced. “Ah, Captain Taggart! How kind of you to answer my call right away. I have a small favor to ask of you. It seems that there is a small medical concern I have, and the expert in the field is your good Doctor Pulaski. I know that you must be on important Federation business, so I won’t ask you to come here to Betazed, however, would it be possible for me to come aboard your ship so that she might consult with me?”

            She batted her eyes at him, hoping that her insipid look would win him over and allow him to acquiesce to her. The captain regarded her thoughtfully, as if he wasn’t quite buying her story. Her mask slipped just a little at the prospect of having to call the _Enterprise_ and see if Beverly knew of another doctor who could help her, and that seemed to be the thing that tipped the scales in her favor. The assessing look changed to one of faint pity, and then he was nodding, giving her a warm smile. “That would be perfectly all right, Ambassador. Just hail us when you’re within transporter range, and I’ll have Doctor Pulaski greet you.”

            “Thank you,” she whispered, dipping her head slightly as she blinked back the tears of relief that were rapidly stinging her eyes. “I’ll need to arrange a few things here on Betazed, but I expect to see you in less than two weeks’ time.”

            “Until then, Ambassador.” Captain Taggart cut the link, and Lwaxana let her shoulders droop as she drew in deep breaths through her nose. It was of little use, and she staggered back to her bed, collapsing onto the mattress and hugging her pillow close to her chest. It was moments like these that she wished Ian was still alive, that she could talk to him and have him tell her that everything would be all right. It was ridiculous, she knew, since she was a strong woman who didn’t need a man to make her feel better.

            Lwaxana felt Mr. Homm probe her mind gently, reminding her that it wasn’t the fact that Ian was a man, but her _Imzadi_ , the one who knew her heart better than any other person in the universe. _I know that, Mr. Homm. I’m going to try and sleep again. In the morning, we’ll make plans for my trip to the_ Repulse _. I won’t be asking you to accompany me, I need to do this on my own._

            A wry smile curved her lips up when she felt his reply, and she shook her head gently, letting him know that her mind was completely made up, and that she would be fine in this endeavor, or at least she planned to be in the end. Shutting him out of her mind, she slipped beneath the covers and drew them up around her shoulders, willing her eyes to close and her mind to quiet down as she focused on sleep. All her mental relaxation techniques seemed to fail her, though, and she turned onto her back and stared at the ceiling of her bedroom, trying to find patterns in the small cracks and crevices there.

            That seemed to do the trick, and Lwaxana smiled as she felt her very muscles start to relax into the softness of her mattress, her heavy eyelids sliding closed as she thought about the journey she was about to undertake. It would mean many weeks of hard travel, but the end result was certain to be worth it, of that she was quite certain. As long as she could finally rid herself of these blasted nightmares, it would be worth any cost.


	3. Chapter 3

            Lwaxana sighed as she braced herself for the horrid feeling of coming apart at the seams. Though she understood the necessity of transporters, the long journey out to Sector 22036 had not made them any more comfortable for her. In fact, she was amazed every time that her luggage reappeared next to her on the pad.

            “Safe journeys,” the transporter chief said, giving her a small smile as she powered up the device, and Lwaxana gave her a tight lipped smile in return. She could feel from many of the crew that they were glad to be rid of her, as it was a small ship, and her nightmares had disrupted many of their nights. She only hoped that the two captains had not exchanged words, because she really wanted this last leg to the _Repulse_ to go as smoothly as possible.

            Finally, she felt her body dissolve, and she held her breath and closed her eyes until she reappeared aboard the _Steadman_. Another transporter chief stood there to greet her, and she let out her breath, smoothing out invisible wrinkles. “Welcome aboard, Ambassador.”

            Lwaxana turned her head to see a staid looking woman giving her an apprising onceover, and she tried not to bristle at the thoughts running through the captain’s mind. “Thank you, Captain. I am most grateful that you are able to accommodate me on my journey to the _Repulse_. I know that it is an unusual request, but it is vastly important to me that I get there.”

            The woman nodded and then motioned with her hand out the door. Lwaxana went to pick up her bag when her hand met that of the transporter engineer. “Let me get that for you, Ambassador. You look exhausted, and it would be my pleasure to do this for you.” She could read no pity in the younger man’s mind, and so she favored him with a small smile and a dip of her chin.

            “Thank you,” she murmured as she slipped her hand into the crook of his free elbow, following after the captain.

            “We’re a smaller ship, so there isn’t really a room for you. However, we rendezvous with the _Repulse_ in about twelve hours, most of which I will be spending on the bridge for my shift. So, I’m putting you up in my cabin until then. I hope that will meet with your needs.”

            In the woman’s mind, Lwaxana could read that she was grateful to be far away from her cabin, as she didn’t want to put up with her screaming. And it was in that moment she knew the captain of the _Elias_ had informed her of what had happened onboard. “I’m certain that it will,” she replied, hating how small her voice sounded in that moment. It took everything in her being to remind herself that she was a Daughter of the Fifth House, and that she was more than her current circumstances.

            “Oh, the captain’s quarters have a lovely view of the stars, Ambassador. I’m certain that you’ll enjoy your time there, even if it is brief.” The earnestness in his voice told her that he knew the captain was giving her short shrift, and it took everything in her power to not laugh at the wheel’s turning in the man’s head as he tried to figure out a way to smooth things over.

            “I see.” She tightened her grip on the man’s arm, letting him know that she appreciated the gesture. Silence fell over the group on the short walk to the captain’s quarters, and the relief that washed over the woman hit Lwaxana hard. Drawing on every inch of her heritage, she straightened her spine and stared the woman down. “Thank you so much.”

            “You’re welcome. Chief Taylor, will you see that the Ambassador settles in all right?” The chief smiled widely and nodded, ushering her into the room. “I’ll hail you when we get close, Ambassador.”

            “Perfect.”

            The captain left the room and Chief Taylor let out a little sigh of relief. “I’m sorry about Captain Otto, she’s just a little on edge from the long time that we’ve been on duty without shore leave. Though once we’ve ferried you to the _Repulse_ , the crew will be heading for shore leave on one of the nearby M-Class planets. It will be a relief to try and find some rest on a planet, with firm ground beneath my feet once more.”

            “I long for that, too,” she whispered as she took a seat at the table, looking down at the surface with unseeing eyes.

            Lwaxana quickly became lost in her thoughts, and so was startled when Chief Taylor’s hand came to rest on her shoulder. “You know, I’m technically off duty since you arrived. Would you like to get something to eat?”

            She looked up and saw that the younger man was giving her a soft smile. Reaching out, she could read in his mind that he had been privy to some of the discussions about her, and instead of being upset or pitying, he empathized with her, and though she was loathe to pry further, she knew it was because they shared something horrific in their pasts. “You know, I think that that sounds absolutely amazing, I am positively famished.”

            Pasting a bright smile on her face, she held out her hand and dipped her chin a little as Chief Taylor helped her to stand. “Good. I know how travel, especially when it’s as helter skelter as yours has been, can take a lot out of you.”

            “Will you be the one to transfer me when we rendezvous with the _Repulse_?” she suddenly asked, wanting it to be him. She wanted him to be there, to be a friendly face before she went off into the unknown.

            “I can be, Ambassador Troi, if that’s what you wish.”

            “I do, and call me Lwaxana, there’s no need to rest on formalities when I’m going to be spending a such a brief amount of time here.” Lwaxana tightened her grip on Chief Taylor’s hand, feeling the warmth of kinship spread between them.

            “Then you must call me Alex.” She nodded and let him lead her down the hall, both of them chatting away as they walked. It was so good to have found a kindred spirit so close to the end of her journey.


	4. Chapter 4

"Were you able to get any sleep at all, Lwaxana?"

She glanced over at Alex Taylor and gave him a small shake of her head. "No. I…didn't want to disrupt anyone here, even if I was just here for a short time," she said as she packed the last of her things away in her bag. "I'm just hoping that Doctor Pulaski is able to solve my problem. I don't want to be a burden on anyone."

"If people are truly your friends and family, you'll never be a burden on them. Don't worry, it's something that I'm still working on myself." Alex gave her a warm smile as he picked up her bag and then held out his elbow. Lwaxana slid her hand home and let him guide her back to the transporter room.

Captain Otto was there, a tight smile on her face as she watched them enter the transporter room. "I hope that you were able to rest somewhat, Ambassador Troi."

"That I was, Captain. Again, thank you for hosting me for this leg of my journey, and I hope that you and your crew continues to have safe journeys." In truth, she wished that Chief Taylor would continue to enjoy safe journeys, and she made a note to tell someone at Starfleet about the kind young man, in hopes of getting him a better berth. "Well, Alex, it seems our time together has ended."

"So it seems, Lwaxana. May I?" He didn't finish his question, but she could read it clearly on his mind, and gave him a small nod. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," she responded as she stepped onto the transporter pad and took her bag from his hands. "Now, if you would be so kind as to ferry me over to the _Repulse_."

"Aye, ma'am." They shared a knowing smile and then drew in a deep breath as the too familiar feeling of her body coming apart at the seams took hold. Frantically, she tried to control her reactions, looking for Alex's eyes before she completely disappeared. He was still there, regarding her steadily, and that soothed her more than she was comfortable admitting, even to herself.

The next thing she knew, she was appearing on the transporter pad of another ship, and a familiar face was regarding her steadily. "Doctor Pulaski, you have no idea how glad I am to see you."

"I can only imagine," the woman replied, her voice as gravelly as Lwaxana remembered. Though humans might think that familiarity bred contempt, she knew that familiarity truly brought comfortability to a heart. "Beverly contacted me, told me that you might come out to see me, though she didn't go into specifics. You look exhausted, however. Would you like to rest before we go into what you're here for?"

The professionalism in the woman's voice and mind let Lwaxana know that she was in good hands, and she went to shake her head until she caught a flash of a thought that fired across Doctor Pulaski's mind. "I can't sleep well, I wake up screaming more often than not."

"I have something that can help you with that. Now, I know that Betazed minds work slightly differently than human ones, but artificial rest is better than what you're dealing with right now. It will be a dreamless sleep."

Her shoulders sagged with relief as she nodded. "Oh, that does sound wonderful," she whispered as she picked up her satchel. "Am I going to have my own quarters while onboard?"

Doctor Pulaski shook her head. "I'm afraid not. We're not as large a ship as the _Enterprise_ , and all berths are full at the moment. I told Captain Taggart that I would put you up in my room for the length of your stay. It won't be what you're accustomed to, being a Daughter of the Fifth House and an official ambassador."

There was a faint tone of teasing mockery in her voice, even though there was no malice in word or thought. Lwaxana laughed lowly as she shrugged. "Well, I am the one who's imposing here, I should be grateful for whatever I'm given." The woman nodded and turned on her heel, taking off at a brisk clip. Lwaxana had to almost scurry to keep up. This was something she had forgotten about the doctor, and she tried to keep her movements quick but graceful, knowing that there were others aboard who knew her as an ambassador.

"All right, here we are. If you want to make yourself comfortable, I'll run down to Sickbay and grab a holospray that should allow you to sleep. I'll wake you when it's morning aboard our ship, we'll need to get you acclimated to this time cycle, if things are to work out."

Doctor Pulaski had a good point, and Lwaxana nodded as she stepped inside the quarters. There wasn't too much to make the room personal, and that seemed to fit what she knew about the doctor. "Thank you, again," she said, watching the woman turn and leave. Once she was alone, she kicked off her shoes and padded over to the set of drawers, wondering if they would be full or not. A number of them were empty, and she hummed a little as she placed her belongings in them before slipping off her traveling dress and changing into a loose sleeping dress.

A large yawn split her face as she made her way over to the bed and pulled back the covers. As she stretched out, the heady scent of roses and lilacs wafted up to tickle her nose, and the one romantic personal touch told her so much about the woman she was entrusting her life to that it almost overwhelmed her. Snuggling into the mattress, Lwaxana let her head thump back onto the pillow, staring up at the ceiling and letting the steady thrum of the engines seep into her ears. It was almost as familiar as the hum of the _Enterprise_ , and to her shock, she found herself actually nodding off.

Letting her eyes close heavily, Lwaxana focused on the ambient sounds as she tried to fall asleep. Still, there seemed to be something that held her back, and so she started to slowly count, hoping that would further relax her. The hiss of the doors opening threatened to totally remove her from half slumber, but then she felt the cool press of metal against her upper arm and then she was falling into the sweet oblivion of drugged sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

When Lwaxana awoke next, she felt more rested than she had in weeks. Sitting up with a large yawn and stretch, she let the sheets pool around her waist as she took a look around the doctor's quarters. She really had no idea what time it was, or how long she had been sleeping, but she found Doctor Pulaski curled up on her sofa, a thin blanket covering her. She looked pathetically uncomfortable, and Lwaxana tutted her tongue as she slipped from the bed and padded over to where she was.

"Thank you for being uncomfortable on my behalf," she murmured as she reached out and patted Doctor Pulaski's shoulder. Somehow, Lwaxana could just sense that the woman wasn't exactly comfortable with physical contact, and even though Lwaxana longed to embrace the woman who had given her one night free of terrors, she would refrain from doing so, until invited.

The doctor stirred a little, and frowned, pulling the sheet up further around her shoulders. "Just ten more minutes, Kyle," she murmured, and Lwaxana found that it was her turn to frown, wondering just who this Kyle was. She was about to go digging in Doctor Pulaski's brain when the woman stirred again, this time waking fully. "Oh, you're up."

"Yes, I just woke up. You know, you didn't have to take the couch last night. I was so dead to the world that I wouldn't have noticed had you slipped in behind me."

A faint pink tinge stained Doctor Pulaski's cheeks, and Lwaxana smiled a little wider as she took a seat at the end of the sofa. "Well, I don't think that would have been appropriate. After all, you are ostensibly my patient."

"Well, be that as it may, I do not want my physician to be uncomfortable. Talk to your captain about getting a cot for one of us."

"Perhaps. Now, after breakfast, we're going to head to the lab and talk about why you've come to see me. I am rather anxious to find out what my role in your healing will be."

Lwaxana nodded as she rose to her feet once more. "Are we going to break our fast here or in the mess hall?"

"I always eat here, or in Sickbay. There's not much time for socializing when dealing with myriad problems cropping up." Lwaxana nodded as she followed the doctor over to the replicator and let her take the lead, ordering something modest, something that reminded her of breakfasts she'd eaten with Ian. "So, how long did it take you to reach me?"

Lwaxana took a seat at the table and began to pick at her food. "Much longer than I thought it would. All told, I've been travelling for three months, and while I'm glad that I'm here, a part of my heart really wishes I was back on Betazed. Do you ever long for Earth?"

"You really don't pull any punches. Can't you just read my mind?" Lwaxana blushed and took a bite, needing to do something so that she wouldn't burst out with something that she shouldn't know about the woman already. "I'll take your silence to mean that you have been reading me. Could we just agree now that you won't do that to me, and that we'll find out about each other by talking?"

She swallowed thickly before nodding. "I can live with that, as long as you agree to call me by my name. I don't want to stand on formalities, especially if I have to be here any length of time."

"All right, you're Lwaxana, I'm Kate, and we are going to make you well."

A warm feeling of affection swept over Lwaxana's chest, and she nodded before digging into her meal. As they continued to eat, she went to make conversation, but found that she couldn't think of word to say, which was so unlike her. "Kate?"

"Yes?"

"Why did you decide to become a doctor?" she asked, finally settling on something that would hopefully break the ice between them.

"I wanted to make a difference. I suppose that you've noticed I'm not exactly a people person, I prefer to look at things from an analytical viewpoint, but I've always wanted to research diseases and vectors and perhaps change how we view medicine. There's something about time that is so clinical, which I should appreciate, but I've found, in twenty years of practice, that it is often the opposite that can bring about just as good of results."

"Oh, that's right! Deanna mentioned something about you having your own recipe for chicken soup that you programmed into the replicator."

"Indeed. My mother passed the recipe down to me, and I've found that it does work wonders on my patients. Mostly, I ascribe it to the placebo effect, but there's something satisfying about treating people like they did years and years ago."

It was fascinating, watching Kate talk about her job, the passion that lit up her face lending her an almost youthful glow. Lwaxana found herself forgetting about her food and listening to Kate. Almost without meaning to, she cupped her chin in her hand and gazed longingly at the woman's lips and eyes, as if she was falling under some unknown spell. "Really? How fascinating," she purred a few minutes later, which caused Kate to look at her askance.

"Well, perhaps we should head down to Sickbay now and see to the real reason why you're here," Kate replied, her eyes darting away from her quickly. That was a reaction that Lwaxana knew quite well, and she fought to suppress the hearty laugh that threatened to bubble from her throat, knowing that it wouldn't endear her to Kate, at all.

"That sounds like a plan, Doctor." Picking up her plate, she took it over to the recycling chute and pushed it inside before turning to find Kate standing quite near to her. She couldn't hide her micro-reaction to being startled, nor could the doctor cover up her look of concern, and Lwaxana pasted on a wobbly smile as she brushed past the woman and made her way over to the door. This was going to be much more difficult than she had first planned, she could just feel it.


	6. Chapter 6

"All right, from what Beverly communicated to me, you need some enneagrams erased from your brain," Kate said as she helped Lwaxana onto an exam table. "Why?"

"Well I think that should be obvious, Kate. I can't sleep, I'm irritable, and I need to excise my mind of these memories. I will be no use as an ambassador if I can't read people effectively. This is compromising my ability to do that, and I need to have it fixed."

Kate cocked her head to one side as she pulled out a tricorder, running it up and down her body. The mechanical beeps set Lwaxana's teeth on edge, and she clenched her hands into fists as she struggled not to snap at the woman to get it over with already. "Have you talked about it to anyone?"

"No," she replied shortly.

"Well, I think that is the first order of business. Erasing memories is no walk in the park, and there are some very serious risks associated with playing God like that."

"Well, I couldn't very well tell Deanna what that Ferengi did to me!" she hissed out, slamming her hands down onto the bed. It was the closest she had come to letting go of her control in the weeks of her travel, and she was genuinely upset when Kate's lips ticked up a tiny bit. "Oh, does this amuse you? Do you like seeing people lose control?" Angry tears began to build in her eyes, and she blinked rapidly in order to dispel them.

"No, I don't like seeing people lose control, Lwaxana. But I do like it when my patients are able to connect with what's bothering them. It helps me get to the root of the problem, especially when it's a trauma such as yours. Now, I know why you wouldn't want to talk to your daughter about it, but I'm certain there are other counselors available to you, and that they would be much closer to home than I am. So, I must ask. Why did you run all the way to this sector to see me?"

Kate fell silent as she regarded her, and Lwaxana shuddered a little under the scrutiny. "I don't know," she finally whispered, looking away from the doctor as she fought to keep from crying. "I just knew, somehow, that you would help me, from the moment Doctor Crusher told me that you had the power to take away these hideous remembrances. I just want them gone, I can't live with this hanging over my head any longer. Please, tell me that you will tear the fibers from my brain and blow them away, like chaff on the wind."

"You paint a pretty picture, Lwaxana," Kate replied, and it was then that she knew she was going to be refused, no matter what she said. "But I wouldn't be a good doctor if I didn't try to exhaust every option available to me before resorting to the most drastic one. Indulge me, please, and talk to our ship's counselor."

Her eyes closed tightly as she shook her head, loosing some tears from them with the movement. "I, I'll just head home," she whispered as she made to get up. The firm press of Kate's hand on her shoulder, keeping her there, caused her to break down fully, and then Kate was hesitantly slipping her arm around her shoulders and cradling her to her chest. The feelings of confusion and unease radiated off her in waves, but Lwaxana decided to ignore those feelings in order to feel comforted, even if it was reluctantly. "I don't want to tell anyone what happened. I just want to forget everything about those days. Is it so horrible to want to forget?"

"No, it's perfectly understandable. And I do understand, Lwaxana, more than you may think right now. Just, trust me, and try to talk about the experience first. Sometimes, all you need to do is get it out there, and you can start to heal."

Lwaxana just buried her face in the crook of the woman's shoulder, trying to ignore the very heartfelt advice she was being given. "Well, would you listen to me?" she finally murmured, tightening her hold on Kate for fear of her pulling away.

"Yes." The answer came much quicker than she had ever anticipated, and so she pulled away to look into the woman's face, using both eye and mind to read her intentions and finding nothing malicious there. "You came all this way to see me, even if it was for something I am not comfortable giving you just yet, so I might as well be your sounding board."

There was a bit of hesitancy in Kate's brain, but it wasn't a bad thing, per se, and so Lwaxana gave her a watery smile as she went to hug the woman once more. Kate stiffened a little before returning the embrace. "I know that you aren't like me, that you don't like being touched. Thank you for indulging me."

"With what you went through, I would indulge you in almost any way that I could, if it is in my power." Again, that fleeting smile, and Lwaxana felt her heart thump heavily in her chest as they stared at each other. The tension rose in the room until it was abruptly broken by the sound of Kate's commbadge chirping.

"Commander Peacock to Doctor Pulaski."

"Pulaski here."

"There's been an accident in the holodeck and we're bringing you a few patients to see. We should be in Sickbay in five minutes."

"Roger that, I'll get everything ready with my staff. Pulaski out." She tapped her badge once more and looked at Lwaxana once more. "Well, there's my cue to be ship's doctor once more, rather than your personal physician. If you want to head back to my quarters, I get off shift in eight hours. Feel free to amuse yourself with whatever you find at hand."

"I would never think to invade your privacy, Kate. It's been hard enough to keep from reading your feelings and thoughts."

Kate laughed at that statement, as if amused by her frankness, and shrugged a little. "There are a few books out in view, or you can use the padd that's on the nightstand to find something to occupy your time. Now, I hate to do this, but I'm kicking you out of my Sickbay."

Lwaxana nodded and slipped from the exam table. Unable to stop herself, she reached out and took hold of Kate's hand, squeezing tightly before making her way out of the Sickbay and starting the short journey back to the woman's quarters, wondering all the while how she would even begin to start telling her doctor what had happened to her.


	7. Chapter 7

Though there was no clock on the walls in Kate's rooms, Lwaxana found herself counting the minutes until the woman returned. Finally, unable to keep doing nothing, she glided over to the replicator and programmed in some of her favorite recipes before ordering supper for them both.

Just as she was setting the plates on the table, the doors hissed open, and she glanced over her shoulder, giving Kate a wide smile. "Well, should I expect this every time that I come off shift?" she joked and Lwaxana shrugged. "A woman could very easily become accustomed to this level of care."

"I had to do something with my hands, and these are traditional Betazed recipes. While it might not be to your liking, I needed to have a small bit of home to ground me, especially if you want me to open up to you. Normally, I don't do domesticity."

"No, you're more ephemeral than domestic. Something that very few people understand about you, I'm assuming."

A guilty flush spread across her cheeks as she thought about how those in her life truly felt about her. She had so long marched to the beat of her own drum that she didn't understand how to fit in at times, except when she was forced to do so in her ambassadorial role. Even Jean Luc tolerated her at best, even though he had been so gallant in his attempt to bring her back to the _Enterprise_. "Well, what's the good of being understood?" she asked, hoping to sound bright and carefree.

"When you need to talk to someone. Do you have anyone in your life, besides your Mr. Homm, that you can turn to and let everything out? Who is your sounding board? I know, that being Betazoid means that you can never lie, never hide things, which means that you most likely shut yourself up in your home before coming to me, afraid that someone might read your mind and feel your sorrow and shame. But the shame isn't on you, it's on what happened to you."

"Oh," she breathed out, picking up her fork and poking at her food, needing to once more put a buffer between them. Though this woman was fully human, it seemed that she could read her better than any Betazoid could, and that thought scared her a little.

"Lwaxana, look at me." She raised her head and met Kate's steely blue eyes steadily, even as it felt like she was going to split apart at the seams any moment. "I don't mean to be harsh, I just don't have a good bedside manner."

"No, don't make excuses for yourself, you're fine. Maybe I need to hear what you're saying." She reached across the table and patted the woman's hand lightly. "And you are right, I did lock myself away from others, because I don't want to talk about what happened, and I did know that the others would feel and read everything."

She was about to say more when the computer chirped and interrupted them. "Ambassador Troi, there is a subspace message for you arriving from the _Enterprise_. Do you wish to receive it now?"

She glanced at Kate, who pointed towards a viewer screen. Nodding, she glided over to it and then responded. "Yes, put them through."

Suddenly, her daughter's face appeared before her, and it took everything in Lwaxana to not start crying at the concern on her face. "Little One! How good it is to see your face! How is dear Jean Luc?"

Deanna frowned deeply as she craned her neck around, obviously trying to figure out where she was. "Mother. I contacted you at your home, to see how you were feeling, since you hadn't contacted me in a few weeks. Imagine my surprise when I was informed that you have been travelling, and that Mr. Homm was carrying on in your stead. Care to explain just where you are?"

"I am exactly where I need to be, Deanna. I promise that I'll return home as soon as I am able. Until then, don't worry about me. Okay?" She gave her daughter a small smile before looking over her shoulder at Kate, taking in the way she was regarding them. "I'm in the very best of hands. And when you see her next, tell Beverly thank you for me. Her nudge was what I needed, even if it did take me some time to act on it."

Lwaxana didn't even need her skills to tell that she had confused her daughter beyond reason, and this brought a true smile to her lips as she gave her a small wave and then broke the connection. "You didn't say goodbye."

"I hate goodbyes. Almost as much as I hate crying, which I did in front of Beverly, and now you. I haven't cried where Deanna could see since Ian died."

Kate hummed contemplatively under her breath as she regarded her. "You've probably heard this before, too, but you need to let those feelings out. Trying to bury them will only cause you more pain in the long run."

She nodded before shrugging her shoulders lightly. "Be that as it may, I would rather be stoic when it comes to my grief. There is so much pain and despair in the world, why should I add to it?"

Kate shook her head a little as she gathered up their dishes and took care of them. "There is an ancient Swedish proverb that says something I try to impress on all my patients. Shared sorrow is half sorrow. Just, think on that."

Lwaxana let out a heavy sigh as she got up and made her way over to the table once more, taking a seat and drumming her fingers against the surface. "I can't just change who I am overnight to suit you, Kate. I am who I am, and that has to be all right with you. Otherwise I can't trust you fully. Please, tell me you understand that."

Frustrated with herself, she abruptly stood and stomped over to the one window in Kate's room, staring out at the cold light of the stars. There was little comfort in them this night, and she felt her control coming perilously close to slipping the longer she looked. And then, Kate's hand was closing around her upper arm, offering her comfort, even at the expense of Kate's. Bowing her head, she let the first tears slip down her cheeks as she rested her forehead against the clear polymer, unable to look the woman in the eyes as she quietly cried.


	8. Chapter 8

In the morning, Lwaxana found that she had a headache and that Kate was already gone. Getting out of the bed, she saw that the woman hadn't taken the time to fold her linens, which told her that there must have been some sort of emergency she had had to attend to. Unable to quite swallow the guilt that filled her throat, Lwaxana picked up the sheet and folded it before taking hold of the quilt.

The moment her hands touched the fabric, though, she paused, bringing it over to the bed and spreading it out. From the feel of it, she knew that it was quite old and most likely handmade. It was a sentimental object, something that didn't quite seem to fit with the brusque façade that the doctor normally wore in public. But it somehow made her all the more endearing to Lwaxana. With a tender smile, she gently stroked the material closest to her as she looked at the different patterns used. Somehow, she could just feel that this was a part of Kate's childhood, and that she would be loathe to let anyone know that she carried it around from starship to starship.

With another soft smile, she tenderly folded the quilt and set it atop the sheet. A wave of longing washed over her as she made her way to the replicator and order food to break her fast. As she ate, though, she realized that she hadn't woken up once during the night, and wondered if she had been given something after she had nodded off to help stave off the nightmares.

Once she was finished, Lwaxana cleared everything away before heading to the bathroom and stepping into the shower. As the water washed down upon her, she found her thoughts drifting to what had happened to her. And just like that, everything that her mind had held at bay for the past two nights came rushing to the forefront of her mind, and she shuddered as she struggled to keep from shrieking.

Slumping to the floor, she hugged her knees tightly as she rocked back and forth beneath the water. At some point, the automatic shutoff feature kicked in, but she still felt weak and scared, unable to move. All it seemed she could focus on was the feel of the daimon's hands pawing at her skin, how dirty it had made her feel, how it still was making her feel.

"Lwaxana? May I come in?"

Raising her head, she glanced at the door before hugging herself tightly once more. "If you must. I'm not decent, though, not by human standards."

"I'm a doctor, I've pretty much seen everything." Lwaxana couldn't stop the giggle as the very deliberate thought of Jean Luc's naked rear end came to the forefront of Kate's mind. "I see that you can read me, quite well, too."

"Are you sure you're not part empath?" she asked as the door opened and Kate stepped inside. The woman gave her a wry smile as she shook her head. Picking up a towel, she stepped over to the shower and held it out, turning her head discreetly to give Lwaxana some semblance of privacy. Standing, Lwaxana took the soft towel and wrapped it around her body, tucking one end in so that it wouldn't fall off. "How did you know that I needed you, then?"

"I just had a feeling when you didn't answer me over the comm. I see that, despite your protestations against domesticity, you cleaned up after me."

They faced each other once more, and Lwaxana caught the appreciative glance that Kate gave her chest before she focused on her eyes. "It didn't seem right to leave things out of order. After all, everything in your rooms is neat and tidy." They shared a small smile before Kate led her out to the main room. "Who made your quilt? I can tell that it's quite old."

"My great grandmother received it from her grandmother when she was young. It's been passed down in the family ever since. I take care to ensure that it will be in the best condition for when it passes on to my niece."

There was a deep sadness in those words, and Lwaxana reached out, her hand hovering over Kate's shoulder. "You never had children?"

"My work, my research, substituted for children. If I had been on a ship like the _Enterprise_ to begin with, a place where I could bring a child with me as I did my work, then it might have been different." Lwaxana could hear the hollowness in Kate's voice, and that caused her to lower her hand, curling it around the woman's slim shoulder, and stroking her thumb back and forth in an effort to comfort her. "Now, it's past time for those dreams."

"There's always time for new dreams," she whispered as she let her arm fall to her side, giving Kate a soft, sad, smile. "And don't you dare tell me that I'm being hypocritical."

"I would never dream of that, Lwaxana. Now, how about you get dressed, and then we can go for a walk around the ship."

Another fleeting thought came the forefront of Kate's mind, and Lwaxana suddenly knew that there was more to what happened that morning than she had thought. "All right. I just hope that you weren't expecting some of my more flamboyant outfits. Those are rather difficult to lug around with a woman when she's the only one schlepping her bags from starship to starship."

It was wonderful to hear Kate's sharp laugh at that statement, and she gave her a wide smile. "I did wonder at the lack of luggage, honestly. I seem to remember from your time on the _Enterprise_ that you wore a different outfit every time I saw you. These more sedate outfits do suit you, even if they don't conform with your more flashy ambassador personality."

"You'd be surprised at what happens in a Betazoid home, Kate," she said as she got up and made her way over to the dresser drawers that she had claimed as her own. Since the woman was wearing her science blues, Lwaxana decided to coordinate a little, taking out an outfit and her makeup case. "Now, give me twenty minutes to get ready."

"Twenty? Try ten."

She let out a deep sigh as she nodded, knowing that it would be quite the feat for her to get ready in that short a time. But she would make it work, to hear a story about her friend and perhaps find the strength inside her to start telling her story.

* * *


	9. Chapter 9

"And Deanna will absolutely shun me if she knows that I told you that little story." Kate pressed her hand tightly to her lips as she stifled her rich laugh and Lwaxana felt a rush of relief at having put a smile on her lips after the harrowing tale she had been told. Though Kate's words had been clinical, clipped, and lacking emotion, her mind had told a different story, and it was then that Lwaxana knew for certain that they were sisters at heart.

"I would never have taken her for a mischievous child, she seems too staid for that."

"I think that comes from the fact that I became so flighty following Ian's death. That seemed to be the only way to cope with losing him, and she compensated for that lightheartedness. And now, bubbly acting is my perfect coping mechanism."

"Now why does that not surprise me?" Kate asked laconically as she settled down on the sofa. "You never seemed to me like someone who would wallow in sorrow. But sometimes that's what you need to do, even if it is just for a short time. Would you consider telling me what happened to you?"

Kate beckoned for her to take a seat next to her, and Lwaxana nodded as she sat down, smoothing her skirt over her knees as she stared at the carpet. It wasn't until the other woman rested her hand on her upper arm that she started speaking. "It was horrible," she whispered, shuddering as her mind brought to the forefront the feel of the daimon's lips and tongue defiling her body. "It was like I wasn't even a person any longer, I was just a vessel for him to fill. Don't get me wrong, I'm easy with pleasure and my body, because sex is amazing. I've just never been used like that before."

The hand on her arm tightened, and she turned her head to see that Kate's eyes had filled with tears. "That really is the worst feeling."

She nodded. "And then, and then, that doctor tortured me. It was worth it, because I protected my Deanna. I would do anything for her." Kate nodded, and it seemed as if this opened a dam somewhere in her heart, and she was spilling out ever vile thing that he had forced her to do and how it had degraded her so. Still, Kate listened, drifting closer and closer to her until their legs touched from thigh to foot.

As she reached the end of her tale, Lwaxana rested her head on Kate's shoulder, finding the close contact soothing to her heart and mind. "And how long have you been having night terrors?"

"Ever since I got back on the _Enterprise_. It only took a few hours to get me home, but I almost knew that I couldn't fall asleep, as if something was telling me that the nightmares would come the moment I closed my eyes. Until I arrived here. Whatever you're injecting me with at night is helping to erase some of the bad memories."

"Well, there's bad news in regards to that, I'm afraid." Lwaxana sucked in short breath as she awaited Kate's next words. "I can't keep administering the sleeping aid, as it is addictive. I just wanted you to get some quality sleep before we came to the hard part of your healing, the part where you start going it alone. I think…"

"I think that that is an entirely ridiculous idea. How can one become addicted to a sleep aid? In this day and age?"

Kate gently pushed Lwaxana away and stood, heading over to the replicator and calling up two mugs of hot chocolate for them before coming back to her side. "It happens. And I would rather help you through the terrors than see you slip into a morphia addiction. I hope I'm not too forward here, but I consider you my friend, and I would never let that happen to my friend."

Lwaxana sighed as she took hold of her mug and wrapped her hands around it. "I think of you that way, too. But, you have to know, my screams were enough to disturb the people in the rooms next to me as I was travelling."

"I'll be here in the room, and can wake you up if things get out of hand." Kate gave her a soft smile, and Lwaxana knew that it was a rare expression for her. "And for tonight, I suppose that you can use my quilt. It might comfort you a little more than my pale words can."

A hard lump formed in Lwaxana's throat as she nodded. "Thank you," she said quietly as she sank down onto the sofa once more, curling her legs beneath her as she sipped at her drink. "I don't know if I can ever go back to normal."

The thought had slipped out, before she could call her words back, and Lwaxana winced a little at how pathetic she sounded. "This will always be a part of you, and that's okay. The experiences of our lives make us stronger, as we move on from the event. I would never ask you to pretend like it never happened, and that is also why I don't want to remove those memories from your mind." Kate reached out and rested her hand on Lwaxana's upper thigh. The warmth of it bled into her skin, and she tilted her head to one side as she looked at the doctor. "You need them, to remind you of how far you've grown."

Slowly, she nodded before draining her mug and setting it aside. The earnestness in Kate's gaze unsettled her in an indescribably good way, though she fought to keep from squirming, as she wanted to woman's touch to linger. She knew that those feelings might be a result of her trauma, but it felt so nice to feel good. And then, unwanted tears began to roll down her cheeks, and she looked away from Kate, brushing away the offending drops. "I think that I'll try to sleep now."

Kate gave a small nod as they both stood. Lwaxana moved over to the dresser and pulled out a fresh set of nightclothes before slipping into the bathroom. While it didn't take long to change, she still found herself trying to draw out the time, not wanting to perhaps do something that she would regret later on. Sighing a little, she touched her wig one last time, wondering if she would ever be able to let Kate, or anyone else, see her without it. Straightening her shoulders, she smiled at her reflection before stepping into the other room once more.


	10. Chapter 10

Lwaxana sat up with a gasp, her hands pressed against her chest, feeling like she was going to explode with fear. "K-kate?" she managed to bite out before drawing her legs up to her chest, trying to fight against the sobs threatening to tear from her throat. At some point, Kate's quilt had been kicked to the foot of the bed, and she fished for it, needing the comfort.

And then, a warm hand was touching the bare flesh of her upper back, and she sagged against Kate, welcoming the comfort of her warm body supporting her as she drew up the quilt to her waist. "I'm here, Lwaxana, don't worry."

There was something comforting about the total lack of sympathy in the woman's voice, since she knew that Kate wasn't one to show too much emotion. Still, her very presence was enough to calm Lwaxana a little, and unconsciously, she nestled her head into Kate's chest, trying to find her heartbeat. "It was the same dream," she murmured brokenly as she tried to lose herself in Kate's very presence. "And I hate being this weak, this broken, but thank you for this."

"It's okay to admit that you need help." Kate started to move, but Lwaxana quickly wrapped her arms around her waist, holding her tight. "I was going to get you something to drink, to try and calm your nerves."

"I don't want drink, I want you." Her tiredness allowed the words to slip out before she could press her lips together and keep them in her heart. Kate stiffened, trying to pull away again, and Lwaxana let her as she curled her body into a tight ball once more, burying her head in her legs as best she could, the sobs tearing from her throat once more. She'd really gone and done it this time, fouled things up before she'd meant to, and in the process destroyed a budding friendship that she hadn't realized she'd wanted until it was no longer a possibility. "Just, go back to the sofa. I'll arrange transport off the ship come the morning."

"No." The word was faint, but emphatic, which caused Lwaxana to lift her face and look at Kate. Her eyebrow was cocked up, as if daring Lwaxana to speak once more. "No, you're not ready to leave here just yet. The night terrors still wake you up, and I won't let you go until that isn't true."

She nodded her head slowly before stretching out on the bed once more, bringing the quilt up around her shoulders. "All right."

Lwaxana closed her eyes, trying to will herself back to sleep, but found it elusive. Turning onto her side, she tried to get comfortable on the mattress. It seemed like nothing she did, though, gave her any relief. Next to her, she heard Kate sigh with resignation as she, too, stretched out on the mattress, scooting around until she was also covered by the quilt. "I have an early shift, so I'm sorry if I wake you in the morning."

"It's okay," she said as she stiffened her body, not wanting to relax against Kate, not wanting to intrude on her private space. Every fiber in her body, though, seemed to fight against her sensibilities, craving the warmth and comfort that another body next to her could offer. Uneasily, she closed her eyes, cradling her head on her hands as she tried to think sleepy thoughts, to train her focus on the void of darkness, rather than on who was next to her.

In less than ten minutes, Kate was fast asleep, a light snore slipping from her lips. The white noise did little to help Lwaxana slip over into the sweet oblivion of rest, though, and she sighed as she turned on her back and stared up at the ceiling. It was ridiculous, really, how keyed up she was, and she screwed her eyes closed. The only thing that did was start to give her a headache, and she opened her eyes once more, trying to think of the most boring novel she had ever been forced to read.

That seemed to do the trick, as she had just started yawning deeply when Kate flipped over and threw her arm around Lwaxana's waist. "Oh, really now. This is just absolutely ridiculous. Are the gods seeing fit to torment me now?" she muttered as she tried to dislodge Kate's hand without waking her.

"Please, lay still. I need to get some rest."

Letting out a soft gasp, Lwaxana stiffened once more before screaming loudly in her mind, knowing there was no one aboard who could pick up on her mental distress. Yet Kate's arm tightened around her waist, a deep frown marring her placid features, almost as if she had picked up on her frustration. "In for a penny, in for a pound," she finally whispered as she snuggled closer to Kate, resting her head next to the other woman's as she stared at her face. There was something so lovely about her features, and Lwaxana found her eyes roaming as she memorized everything she could see.

Slowly, her eyes started to droop closed, and Lwaxana let her body relax as she began to feel safer and safer. "Are you ever going to fall asleep?" Kate asked almost peevishly, and she shrugged a little. "What do you need to feel okay?"

"At this point, I don't really know," she replied. "My body keeps betraying me when I almost cross the threshold, and then I'm awake again. When I was like this with Ian, he would always kiss me, anchoring me to the here and now. I…"

She was about to say that she couldn't ask that of Kate when the woman reached up and stroked her cheek before giving her a gentle, tender, yearning, kiss. It was so sweet and gorgeous, and Lwaxana couldn't help but read Kate's thoughts as the buss lingered on. There was none of the duty she expected to read there, no reticence, no hesitancy. It warmed her heart, and she deepened the kiss, letting her arm creep up Kate's back to curl possessively around her shoulder, finally feeling ready to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

When Lwaxana woke up next, Kate was gone, just like she had said. A part of her was disappointed, as she had wanted to have breakfast with her again. Duty, however, always came first, and she understood that far better than most could. With a deep sigh, she folded back the sheet and slipped from the bed, quickly making it.

"You are not one to moon, Lwaxana. One kiss does not mean that you are suddenly soulmates, and are going to spend the rest of your life with her. Get a grip." Still, she couldn't help but think about the way their lips had continued touching until she fell asleep. It had been so welcome to have a period of rest without nightmares, and she knew that the presence of Kate had done the trick. She just didn't know what that meant for her, or for them. She had never thought that being with a woman would be an option for her, since she had always been guy crazy, or at least, that was what Deanna called it in her head.

Making her way over to the replicator, Lwaxana ordered a light breakfast before sitting at the table and eating. She picked at the food, finding her thoughts turning to Kate repeatedly. It would be so easy to lose herself in those blue eyes, to let go of everything that was holding her back and just letting the woman lead her along.

Finally, though, her meal was finished, and then she was staring into space, wondering what she would do with the coming day. There was nothing scheduled, which was so different from her life on Betazed, since she was usually attending to her ambassador duties, or corresponding with people. But here, on the _Repulse_ , her time was her own, and that was overwhelming in a way.

Shaking her head, Lwaxana moved over to the dresser and pulled out fresh clothes, quickly getting ready for the day before stepping out into the corridor and taking a deep breath. Something told her that there would be nothing like a sedate walk to calm her nerves and settle her mind, and she turned to her right and began to move. Instead, she found her thoughts muddled and confused, circling back to Kate and her gaze time and again.

Lwaxana had felt so comfortable around the woman, at ease with sleeping with her so close by. It had been a while since she had rested in another person's arms, let herself be vulnerable and open, and it had felt good. Being an ambassador meant that she had to close herself off a little, and when she was around Deanna, she tried to overcompensate for that, usually to her daughter's annoyance. But here, she felt like Kate would just look at her, take her at face value before calling her out on her bullshit.

With a light sigh, she ran her hand over her wig, smoothing it a little before running her hands down her front and then starting to worry the fabric between her fingers as she continued walking on. There weren't many crew members in the corridor, which suited her just fine, since she wasn't certain that she wanted to interact with anyone at the moment, finding that she was quite content to walk on in her thoughts.

And then, she found herself stopping in front of Sickbay, and she wondered how her subconscious had led her there. "I probably shouldn't bother Kate, but…" she murmured as she began to turn away from the door.

"I'll want you to come back at the end of your shift so I can check on that injury once more. While the dermal regenerator is good, there are some things that still linger," Kate said as the doors opened. A gold shirted crewwoman nodded as she stepped out, rubbing her shoulder absently. The unnamed woman gave her a quick smile before glancing at Kate and giggling. "It seems that gossip still runs rampant around here."

The deadpan tone caught Lwaxana off guard, and she tittered nervously as she bit her lip, looking down at the floor. "What would there be to gossip about?" she asked softly, the heat of embarrassment making her cheeks flame.

"That you and I are conducting some illicit affair, given how far you had to travel to get to me. It would be funny, if it were true. Instead, it's just hurtful to you."

She looked up, seeing how stormy Kate's eyes had turned. And though she tried to stay out of her mind, Lwaxana couldn't help but read the fact that the good doctor wanted to protect her over everything, and that sweet thought brought tears to her eyes. "Oh, but your feelings deserve to be taken into consideration, too, Kate." Unbidden, she reached out and touched her shoulder lightly, trying to affirm that they were on even footing.

Kate gave her a wry smile as she shook her head. "I'm a tough old bird, nothing gets to me."

"I'll believe that when I see Delta Quadrant, which will be never, mind you." Their eyes met, and Lwaxana felt herself wanting to lean forward, to kiss Kate and assure her that she would not let anything get to her, since she deserved to have a protector, too.

Kate made a low sound of disagreement in the back of her throat, taking hold of Lwaxana's hand and dragging her into her private office. The moment the door was closed and locked, Lwaxana found herself being pressed back against it, the distance between them decreasing by the second as silence turned to a deafening roar. "I don't know what we're doing here," Kate murmured as she cocked her head to one side, leaning in and capturing Lwaxana's lips in another soft kiss.

It was every bit as sweet as the first kiss, and Lwaxana gave herself over to the sensations that were flooding her body, reaching out and closing her arms around the woman's waist, wanting to hold her even closer. "Why do we have to know what's going on? Can't we just live in the moment?" she asked, her voice sounding breathy as she tried to calm her racing heart.

"I don't live in the moment, Lwaxana. I plan and consider and move with caution." Kate let another wry smile turn her lips up, and Lwaxana shook her head as she gave her another kiss. "This is not in my plan."

"Well, maybe it's time to change that plan a little," she whispered as let her chin come to rest on Kate's shoulder, taking care not to look at her face or read her thoughts, uncertain if she could face rejection in that moment.


	12. Chapter 12

Lwaxana had found it hard to pull herself away from Kate, but duty had eventually come to call in the form of an ensign who had broken her leg when she had slipped while in engineering. Kate had given her a searching look as she had rushed over to the young woman's side, and Lwaxana shuddered a little before making her way out into the corridor once more.

And then she had promptly set about mooning over the woman as she wandered back to her quarters. "I don't think I was ever this bad with Ian," she muttered as she collapsed onto the couch and picked up the padd that she had claimed as hers, trying to get back into the story she was reading. But since it was a romance, her mind kept wandering to Kate, picturing them in place of the characters, and she made no progress at all. Tossing it aside in frustration, Lwaxana stretched out on the sofa and stared up at the ceiling.

Letting out another deep sigh, Lwaxana forced her eyes to close once more, to not think about how surprisingly soft Kate's lips were, in contrast to how unyielding her personality seemed. The idea of kissing those lips once more curved her lips upwards, and she managed to drift off into a light sleep, Kate on her mind.

A warm hand on her cheek brought her back to wakefulness, and she blinked rapidly as she tried to get her eyes to focus in on the face above her. "You slept well."

"And how would you know that?" she asked, her voice husky with sleep, still.

"Because I've been watching you for the last thirty minutes, ever since my shift ended. The smile on your lips ensured that I wouldn't disturb your slumber, since you need the rest." Kate's wry smile caused Lwaxana to grin, and she sat up, pulling her knees in close before looking pointedly at the space next to her. Taking the hint, the good doctor sat and reached out, patting her knee softly. "Now, about those kisses."

"I won't apologize. It just is simply not done, especially when one does not regret what happened. And I do not regret that one bit."

Kate blushed a little as she looked down at her hands. Lwaxana followed her gaze, watching the way her fingers tugged and twisted at the fabric of her uniform. "I don't regret it, either. I just don't know what we're doing. You're not going to stay, you can't, not with your responsibilities. And I will not leave my post here, not yet, not when I can still do some good. Where does that leave us?"

"The romantic in me would say that it leaves us beneath the cold, unforgiving, light of the stars, trying to find some moment of beauty before we're separated. Sometimes, we have to live in the moment, to see what lessons life offers up in the brief encounters we're given."

Their eyes met once more, and Kate gave her a small nod before reaching out and cupping her cheek, letting her thumb run back and forth across the bone. It looked like she wanted to say something, but Lwaxana cut her off at the pass, turning her head slowly to press her lips to the palm of Kate's hand. "So, casual sex it is."

"No. It's never sex. Not with me. We will make love, and it will be beautiful, and maybe my soul can heal a little more, in your arms. Maybe that was why Beverly suggested that I come see you. Even if she didn't know that the cure of my ills would be less than traditionally medical, she must have known that you would help me."

A heavy sigh broke from Kate's lips, a forlorn sound that tugged at Lwaxana's heart, and she shook her head a little as she copied Kate's earlier movement, cupping her cheek and tapping her thumb there gently. "Your faith in me leads me to think that you're reading my mind."

"I have tried extremely hard not to peek into your thoughts from the moment I came aboard." Kate gave her a true smile then as she nodded. "But I always could, if you want me to," she said saucily, causing Kate to let out a bark of laughter.

"Then I might give up all of my mystique." Lwaxana shook her head. "Ah, you like a mystery."

"Who doesn't?" she replied before leaning in and kissing Kate's lips softly. "This is one of life's greatest mysteries, after all. Finding a soul that calls out to us, connecting to them, having one or two blessed moments before we travel on our separate ways once more. Will you let me be with you, even if only for tonight?"

"Yes," Kate breathed out as she covered Lwaxana's hand with her own, her fingers tightening around hers, squeezing tightly as she continued to stare into Lwaxana's eyes. She felt like she was drowning in that gaze, and they came closer and closer together until there was barely a hair's breadth between them. "I don't know why I'm throwing caution to the wind for you, but I am. Because I want to know why I feel like this."

"Oh, Katie, pragmatic, wry, Katie, feelings don't often have an explanation. They just are." The faintest dipping of Kate's chin told her that she was agreeing, and Lwaxana smiled a little wider as she kissed the woman possessively. "And when there is such passion, there's no point in trying to assign something so esoteric as reason to it."

They were both breathing heavily, and Lwaxana couldn't help but stare at Kate's breasts, wondering what they'd look like when freed from the barriers of cloth between them. "And I don't need to be a telepath to know exactly what you're thinking, Lwaxana."

"Good, then you won't mind my doing this." She reached up and found the zipper that held the uniform closed, running it down Kate's body, making certain to let the back of her hands brush over the swell of her breasts, smirking when she felt the nipples pebble into tight buds. "And it would seem that your body agrees with me as well."


	13. Chapter 13

Lwaxana was not prepared for Kate to grab hold of her hands, stilling their movement as she went to push the jacket off her shoulders. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, but I also haven't eaten since I got on shift, and I doubt that you've had any meals, either. You've grown too accustomed to having Mr. Homm wait on you." Lwaxana flushed, looking down at her lap. "Making love requires nourishment, if we want it to take some time."

She quickly lifted her head, taking in the twinkle that lighted Kate's eyes and let a light giggle slip from her lips. "Oh, you expect this to take some time, do you? I have only met one human who can keep up with a Betazoid, and that was my Ian. Are you up for the challenge?"

"With gusto," Kate replied as she stood, shrugging out of the jacket and letting it fall onto the sofa. Lwaxana found she couldn't take her eyes off the smooth skin that was revealed, the way the woman' shoulders curved delicately, and felt like she wanted to reach out and stroke her hands up and down Kate's arms, committing everything to memory. "Aren't you coming?"

Lwaxana was going to make a smart quip in reply when she heard Kate deliberately think those very words in her head as she arched her eyebrow up. A loud laugh bubbled up from the pit of her stomach and she shook her head as she stood and joined Kate at the table. "So, how did your day go?" she asked, trying to find some way to make small talk with her.

"It was surprisingly uneventful," Kate replied before ordering them something from the replicator. As she brought the plates over, she gave Lwaxana a tender smile. "Being on this ship is a lot easier than being on the _Enterprise_. We don't see nearly as much action as Captain Picard seems to find in the galaxy."

"But a small part of you misses that action, right?" Kate nodded as she took a seat across from her. "I'm not surprised. Captain Picard is an amazingly charismatic man. And he does have the nicest legs!" Kate laughed as she took a bite of food. "Don't tell me you never looked when he was in his dress uniform."

"I'm not in the habit of ogling my commanding officers, Lwaxana. I have to keep some modicum of respect between us, especially when it comes time for the yearly physicals." Lwaxana blushed a little as Kate quickly tried to not think about more intimate regions of Jean Luc's anatomy. "Stop looking at me like that! I know that you're reading my thoughts, especially since you want to know more about the erstwhile Captain."

A light laugh trilled out of her as she dug into her food. "I have to get my kicks somehow, Katie." Kate blushed. "Ooh, do you not like being called that? I could call you Katherine."

"Katie would be fine, but only from your lips. I have a reputation to uphold, after all."

"Yes, of course." They shared a quick look, and Lwaxana swallowed thickly as she broke eye contact and quickly ate, wanting the interminably long meal to be over with. Finally, her plate was empty, and she set aside her utensils and focused her gaze on Kate's hands. There was something lovely about the movements, and she couldn't help but imagine what those hands would feel like, dancing over her body.

"Lwaxana." Her name caught her off guard, and she glanced at Kate, smiling at her. "Come along." She nodded and stood, taking hold of Kate's hand and letting her guide her to the bed. "Computer, dim lights to twenty percent."

In a moment, the room was darker, and Lwaxana felt her heart catch in her throat as panic began to gnaw at her brain. "Kate," she whimpered faintly, only reassured when the woman cupped her face and made her look into her eyes.

"I'm here. You don't have to do anything you don't want." The gentle reassurance helped to calm her nerves, and she reached up to take hold of Kate's hand, guiding it to the zipper tab of her dress. "I'm going to kiss you now."

"Yes," Lwaxana murmured, leaning in and meeting Kate halfway. As the kiss lingered on, she felt the cool air of the room caress her skin before Kate's warm hands spread out on her back.

"Let me know the moment you want to stop," Kate breathed out as she pulled the dress from Lwaxana's shoulder, and she nodded as she pulled her arms out of the sleeves, feeling no shame as her torso was bared. She knew that she looked good for her age, and from the way that Kate sucked in a low breath, she knew that she had impressed her, too. "You can read my thoughts, if that will make you feel safer," Kate said lowly as she ran her hands up and down Lwaxana's side, brushing against her breasts with gentle touches that only served to fan the flames of her desire.

"I trust you," she replied as she tugged at the hem of Kate's undershirt, pulling it off and letting it fall to the floor. "I want you." Kate nodded before kissing her again, pushing Lwaxana back onto the bed. "I want to heal."

"Hopefully, this will put you back on the road to wellness." She smiled up at Kate, before raking her eyes down the woman's body, drinking in every detail about her. Since she was so different from her previous experience, there was none of the fear that she had expected to be there, and that thought settled her racing mind. "Lwaxana?"

"I'm fine, love. Make love with me." Kate nodded and lowered her lips to her neck, kissing and nipping gently at her skin before travelling down her body and worshipping her breasts. The sensation of her lips closing around her nipple caused her to see stars, and for the first time since she started her journey, the light of them wasn't cold, instead they burned bright and hot, filling her with a warmth that was indescribable. And she wept with joy at finding beauty in the arms of her lover.


	14. Chapter 14

The next morning, Lwaxana woke up feeling peaceful and sated. Rolling onto her side, she saw that Kate was still there, and she smiled as she lazily reached over and ran her fingers up and down the woman's arm. A groan tumbled from the woman's lips as she turned over and snuggled in closer to Lwaxana, her forehead wrinkling as a frown curved her lips downwards. "Ten more minutes," she mumbled before rubbing her cheek against Lwaxana's breasts.

"All right," she whispered in reply before throwing her arm over Kate's hips and letting her eyes close once more. Try as she might, though, she couldn't get back to sleep, and so she opened her eyes and watched Kate's face. There was something infinitely lovely about the peaceful cast to her features and Lwaxana felt her heart lurch in her chest a little. "How am I ever going to leave this peace behind?" she breathed out.

There was no answer from Kate, and Lwaxana smiled sadly as she tugged lightly on one of Kate's tight curls. Soon, her eyes were starting to close heavily, and she gave in to the desire to fall asleep once more. She had no idea how long she was out for, but the next thing she felt was the delicious sensation of lips touching her neck. Blinking her eyes open, she saw that Kate was watching her, and it was so easy to let her lips curve up as she closed her hand around Kate's shoulder. "You slept the night through, well, what little we had left of it, at least. I know, this won't cure every wound on your soul, but…"

"I think that I've made good progress on healing. But that means my time here is almost at an end. I really should be heading back to Betazed in the next few days. While I would love nothing more than to have you come home with me, I know that your place is here, with your captain. So, I suppose that these next few days will be our time to say goodbye."

Kate nodded, a sad smile on her lips. "We each have our duties to bear, much though I hate that at the moment. But we can always visit each other." She reached out and caressed Lwaxana's face before leaning in and kissing her sweetly. "And feel free to reach out and talk to me. My ear will always be open to you."

She bit her lip, trying to stave off the tears that were fast pooling in her eyes. "Yes. And next time, I won't be so weepy and weak. I'll be the person I usually am."

"There's nothing wrong with being weak once in a while. It shows us that we need someone in our lives. We just have to be brave enough to reach out and grab hold of them." Letting out a sigh, Lwaxana nodded before resting her forehead against Kate's, staring into her eyes. There was only compassionate understanding there, and she smiled tenderly before kissing the woman once more. "I would never call you weak, though. You've survived, and came through to the other side. That is not weak, Lwaxana. Not at all."

The ferocity in Kate's voice seemed to cut through her doubt, and she nodded again before hooking her chin over her shoulder and listening to the sound of her breathing. There was something soothing about the quavery breaths, and she closed her eyes, feeling her heart settle into comfortable peace as the moments stretched out longer and longer. "We can't make it hard to say goodbye, either, Katie. If I'm to be strong, we can't grow attached."

"Too late for that," the woman quipped, and Lwaxana let out a snort of laughter. "Hey, you knew I was sarcastic from the moment you met me on the _Enterprise_."

"Yes, there is that." Turning her head a little, she nipped Kate's ear before pressing her lips against her neck. Feeling the blood pulse through her veins was somehow more erotic than anything they had done the previous night, and tried not to squirm too much, as she wanted this time to just memorize every bit of her lover. Dipping into her mind, she could pick up the same train of thought, and she tightened her hold on Kate's waist. "Is there time enough for that this morning? Or do you need to rush off to Sickbay?"

"I'm only on call today. So if no major catastrophes happen, we have the entire day to ourselves. We could go to the holodeck and run a simulation."

"Or we could stay here and just rest and make love and get to know each other a little better before I start back for home."

Kate clucked her tongue as she shook her head. "That would lead to a growing emotional attachment, precisely what you wanted to avoid. But if that's what you truly want, all right." She pulled away from Lwaxana a little to look in her eyes once more. "This has always been about making you better."

Lwaxana smiled as she nodded a little. "There's a part of me that wishes we could find some sort of temporal anomaly and steal away there for a few years before coming out and resuming our lives. But if wishes were fishes…"

"Then beggars would feast," Kate finished as she leaned in and kissed her again. "I really think that we should get up and shower before making breakfast. If we're to wile away the hours in bed, we're going to need some fuel, after all."

"And are we going to shower together?" she asked saucily, winking at Kate.

"It's almost as if you read my mind," was the quick reply as Kate pushed away from her to slip off the bed. Lwaxana was quick to follow after her, taking hold of her hand and letting her guide her into the bathroom. And though she knew that this was the beginning of the end, she didn't want to miss one single moment of what was to come.


	15. Chapter 15

"Mother! Where have you been? Mr. Homm refused to tell me, and I have been worried sick about you!"

Lwaxana gave her daughter a withering look before letting her lips curve into an indulgent smile. "I have had a thoroughly relaxing holiday with a dear friend. I can only imagine that you do not want to know any more details than that."

Deanna blushed beet red as she shook her head a little. "No, that's all I needed to know. You do look like you're feeling a lot better though, which makes me feel good. I was worried about you."

She could tell from her daughter's face that she was telling the truth, and Lwaxana blinked back her tears as she shrugged a little. "Sometimes you just need a little girl time to get things back on track. I hope that you have that with Beverly."

A dreamy look quickly stole over Deanna's face before she gave a tiny nod. "I love being able to confide in her, yes. And I'm glad that you have that outlet as well. Do you have any ambassador visits coming up?"

Lwaxana tried not to get short with her daughter, since it was rare that she actually wanted to spend time talking to her. However, Kate was scheduled to call in the next half hour, and she wanted to be ready for their conversation. "I'll have to travel to Earth in a few weeks to handle some treaty negotiations between the Mullendians and the Federation. Apparently, they're a race that expresses themselves through feelings more than words, so the Federation thought I'd be perfect to mediate."

"Oh, that will be nice." Deanna looked like she was going to say something else when Lwaxana heard her commbadge chirp. "I'm sorry, Mother. I thought I'd have more time to talk to you. Please, let me know how things go on Earth, and have a safe journey."

"I will, Little One. Good bye."

She cut the connection before Deanna could say anything else, and then leaned back in her chair, thinking about just how much she had to do to prepare for her trip to Earth. Mr. Homm would take care of her clothes and other incidentals that she would need for her time there. But there were still the fine details that she needed to arrange. There was so much riding on these negotiations, and she hoped that she'd be able to accurately mediate between the two sides.

Her comm chimed, and she let her lips curl up in a warm smile as she answered. "Finally, Katie. I was hoping that my daughter's unexpected call wouldn't deter you from calling! How have you been?"

"Honestly? I'm a little lonely without you here. For some reason, it seems like I have the largest accommodations on this ship, even though I know they haven't changed size. It's just someone's large personality has left a void here, one that I wasn't anticipating."

"Ah, such sweet words from a nonromantic person. Maybe I rubbed off on you a little more than I thought."

Kate smiled before ducking her chin against her chest. "Well, perhaps you have. Any more word on when you leave for Earth?"

"I'll be heading there in three Terran weeks. Why? Going to come pick me up?" she teased, not really expecting Kate to do anything more than shake her head in response.

"Actually, yes. The _Repulse_ is going to need some routine maintenance back at Starfleet Headquarters, and since we'll head right past Betazed, I managed to twist the captain's arm and get him to pick you up. We'll have five blissful days together before we reach Earth."

"But you won't be able to take me home, will you?" she asked, trying not to sound ungrateful. She was truly touched that her lover had gone out of her way to arrange this, but she greedily wanted to spend even more time with her.

"No, I'm sorry. The maintenance will take close to two months. However, since they won't need a CMO during that time, I will be taking some shore leave. I was thinking that perhaps we could spend some of your free time in San Francisco together."

A delighted smile spread across her lips as she readily nodded. "I would love nothing more than that, Kate. So, when will you be here to pick me up?"

Laughter pealed out of Kate's lips, her curls flying a little as she shook her head. "You still have nineteen days to wait for me, Lwaxana. I hope that that isn't too terribly long. I wouldn't want you to get impatient."

"You know me too well." They shared a look, and suddenly, she wished that she could make time go more quickly. The days would drag by until she was by Kate's side once more. "Though we will have to be a little more circumspect about certain aspects of our relationship. Mr. Homm will be with me, and I'm going to feel like a naughty teenager, trying to sneak around him."

"I'll make certain that he has his own accommodations, if necessary, Lwaxana." The husky tone to Kate's voice sent shivers down her spine, and she nodded a little. "After all, I do not want to share you with anyone else on our journey to Earth."

"You'll be on duty, though, darling," she replied as she reached out and touched the viewscreen. Kate copied the move as she nodded. "We're going to have to steal away as many moments as we can. And be creative with our time. I mean, I am going to need some sleep, so that I don't snap at the other delegates on this panel."

"Well, that is precisely what we'll have to think about until we're together again. It would be a good way to pass our time."

"There is that, Kate." They shared another smile before she looked away to stare at her hands. "I miss you?"

"I miss you, too. And I don't know when we'll see each other again after this, so we'll have to make every second together mean something. I'm not usually sentimental, but you seem to pull out that side of me."

"It's good to be in touch with our feelings. Or, at least, that's what a very perceptive, very beautiful, doctor once told me." She winked at Kate, watching her blush. "Ah, that is a look I am going to keep in mind until we are together once more. I'll see you soon."

"I'll be in touch even sooner," Kate replied as she waggled her fingers at her. Lwaxana blew her a kiss before ending the connection, suddenly looking forward to the time when they would be together once more beneath the cold light of the stars.


End file.
